[In Other Words] Festina lente

So as of last night, I have made 20k words progress this month!  Which I don’t think is too shabby for a week’s worth of time.  When I step back and consider that, I’m really super proud of that progress!

But when I actually consider how much more I have left to do (not so much in my Camp NaNo goals as much as the story itself altogether), I feel like I am just not going fast enough.  (´Д`) Which I know is a completely arbitrary and ridiculous thing, because everyone writes at a different pace!  Some people get 10k words done in a day just par the course, and some people are lucky to get 300 in.  (I know I’ve talked about this before.  Sometimes I like to state the obvious in an attempt to convince myself of it.)  I really enjoy the sheer accomplishment of finishing something, and right now that goal seems awfully distant.  Having made it as far as I have, I think I’d be mostly really disappointed in myself if I gave up — and honestly, I don’t want to give up, because I like the story and the characters and I am enthusiastic for everything!

I am just also at a point where I really want to be able to share my enjoyment more beyond talking about things in a roundabout fashion.  I want to be able to proudly display a finished copy and say, “hey, come look at this!” and strut my stuff, but that’s still a long time coming, because not only do I have to finish the whole thing, I have to get it edited and run through the wringer.  I’m anticipating a lot of cuts and rewrites in my future, but there are some times where I really wish the future was now. (꒪⌓꒪)

The thing is, I don’t really consider myself an intensely competitive person; my mother used to try very hard to motivate me by using the fear of others doing better to get my spirits fired up, and that … was always less than successful, and that always baffled her.  Maybe it was because she was doing it for academia (where, in high school, I was clever and observant enough to make it through the higher-level courses with decently good grades even without strenuous amounts of effort0 versus writing, but I have to admit, these days, I’m really curious.  I don’t know what the “average” wordcount is for other writers.  I don’t know what a professional full-time writer can put out in a day, though I imagine the answer varies consistently.  I don’t know what people consider a “fast” writing pace or what the average time to write (just plain write) a novel is.  As it stands right now, I feel incredibly slow and behind the curve, which is a distressing (though, at least, not discouraging) feeling.

Though I guess also, if I snap and just write spontaneous porn at some point this month, no one should be surprised. ( ̄へ ̄)

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