[In Other Words] The worst enemy

I think if I had to pick what was my biggest obstacle — not just in writing, but in life — it would be my attention span.  (Second would be my energy levels, since I have a vast preference for the hours of evening to late morning and slump out the most during longer afternoons.)

There are a lot of things I would really like to do that I just end up flopping out on, because I get bored or distracted — or, alternately, because I know myself well enough to know I would go overboard and give too much of my attention instead.  A lot of my friends are participating in online trading card games, and those look like a lot of fun! … but between maintaining my writing and my roleplay games, plus cooking and window shopping at farmer’s markets, I don’t really super feel like I have the time to spare for it.  I’m trying to learn how to prioritize the things I really genuinely want to do, and boy is that tough.  Few things discourage me more than feeling like I have fallen too far behind to recover — I will take personal failure over defeat to letting other people down.

In my writing it ends up manifesting as having a lot of ideas that I just can’t keep up with.  I’ve made small summary-notes to myself in my notebook just so that I don’t forget them, because these are all things I genuinely want to do — but I don’t really think I’m the sort of person who can split her attention between four or five projects and actually accomplish finishing them, never mind two.

(But boy do I really want to.  In my notebook alone I have ten separate suggestions to myself.  Of these, one of them got expanded and will be a project with a friend.  The other nine?  Those are still all entirely on me.)

Honestly, I think that’s what defeated my attempt to write novels in the past — I would perhaps make a good and earnest effort, but then something else new and shiny would come along and I would transfer to that, telling myself I’d balance between the two … and naturally that didn’t go at all like planned.  I was sorting through my files the other day and the amount of unfinished things I have is really embarrassing.  (I’m thinking of a number between 40 and 50.)  My hope is that I have hit a point where I am better disciplined in my life — and so far, I think that’s true!  I think I have gotten a lot better about keeping reign of my flightiness.

That does come at the cost of having to skip out on new shiny things, though, which I do regret.  ( ´△`)  I might not be an extrovert, but I do like being with and interacting with my friends; I can’t help but feel a bit sad when they’re all into some new wave of cool and interesting and I either can’t participate or deliberately don’t in order to save myself time.

Really, my ideal is to have a good balance in all things — I would love to get to a point where I could work simultaneously on just two separate personal projects without severely neglecting one for the other.  Who knows though; it took me over ten years to get to a point where I could force myself to start sitting down and shutting up and turning “I wanna write” (during my free time) to actual writing.  I’m an easily-distracted magpie of a person, and maybe I’ll never get to that point.  If I have achieved “true adulthood,” that must mean I obtain that balance, right?

tl;dr Animal Crossing understands me:

Tally ho. ヽ(´~`;)

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