Sometimes all you need or want is a recharge. And honestly, I’ve been hoping for one for a long time. (Insert comment about politics today here.)
On the plus side, I think this weekend was the best one I’ve had in a long time. We took a three day weekend as a household and while he had plans about going out, they ended up not coming to fruition… and honestly, that was okay. I’ve done some chores that really needed to be done (including financials) and otherwise spent the time mostly focused on hobbies that I usually don’t. And as much as I enjoy writing, it is a very mentally involved sort of hobby. I can’t chat with friends, or listen to podcasts, or watch something while I’m trying to write. To be honest, I can’t even really listen to music that has lyrics anymore; it has to be instrumentals or silence.
And I’ll be honest, my writing has definitely been sluggish lately. I feel pretty certain it’s directly correlated to my anxiety about the world in general (I’m the daughter of South Korean immigrants, which I think says a lot right there). There’s a lot of really awful things going on, and while I am trying to participate, educate, and help out where I can, I have definitely been hitting my saturation point faster and faster… but without actually being able to stop doing my best to keep up.
That sort of thing isn’t really sustainable. I haven’t been reading or consuming anything new in terms of fiction except for a mobile game, and that only counts for a little. My batteries there feel pretty empty, hence the need for a recharge.
I haven’t really stopped feeling anxious and nervous about the world at large. I have a number of friends who are finding solace in nihilistic black humor, which only really ends up making me feel worse. And I don’t blame them for it, because everyone does need to cope in their own ways, but it’s certainly not helping me to feel anything more positive.
But this weekend I did manage to disengage some. Not entirely, but no longer obsessively pouring over headlines and fretting about the consequences. I’m not going to say that I won’t go back to it, because I suspect I will, and will continue to do so until there’s some greater sense of sanity restored to the world.
(And I like to believe there will be. At my core I think I am a positive cynic, so even when I’m grouchy about things, I believe they’ll trend upwards. Or at least I deeply want to, even when everything else is frightening.)
Taking this weekend to recharge myself, to relax and do some other things, has felt really good. It’s one of those common sense, terribly obvious things — taking a break is good for you! Doing other things that you enjoy, that aren’t part of your daily routine, can be really refreshing! Amazing.
So to that note, I’m not going to say it’s a hiatus from the usual, exactly. It’s not like I don’t want to keep working on my writing. Even if this blog is one small blip on the wide face of the internet, I’d like to keep going with this. And there are definitely still a lot of stories I have left that I want to do something with; my to-write list is kind of embarrassingly long.
However, I haven’t really been reading a lot lately, and I’m feeling that. So I’m going to take the rest of June — and probably July as well, in all honesty — to try and take a step back and just work on consuming new things, rather than just try to output all the time. I’ll still be doing weekly short stories and these blog entries; I’ll continue doing my daily writing on the backend, even if it’s nothing but freewrites and journals to myself.
Right now, though, I’d like to try reading more stuff — audiobooks are good (especially for work), fictional podcasts are also good, but also there’s that whole sale that Less Than Three is doing ([brief shill] my books are here! [/brief shill]) that I am planning on taking advantage of.
I’d take recommendations if people have them, too! I’m hoping that by doing some more reading for the next month and a half, and maybe learning to how to handle things better.
With luck, I’ll be able to fully recharge by August.